Hurtful people

Why are people so hurtful and selfish? I have bent over backwards and still I get hurt and unappreciated. I recently had made an huge effort in something and they still moaned about it. No recognition of my efforts one little bit.

To make matters worse I had found myself another job. still I had many messages from my friends but was on the look out of a certain some one else who had recently sent messages of a similar kind to two over people yet I not got one at all. Yes the top paragraph is related to this one also. It seems if the face don’t fit or I don’t lie my way through life and suck up I wont be liked so much. Its very disrespectful and very hurtful.

Well at the end of the day, I am the better person, no matter what you are in my life I can hold my head up high.

Twins apart after 15 years together again.

Well it has been a very busy 6 months. sarah moving out then us posted else where. me with what happend at Brize, leaving my job, then my twin back in my life. With a family again after nearly 15 years of thinking he hated me, didn’t believe me, and being terrified . I have not met up with him yet its been a hard thing for me to adjust to. So we been getting to know eathover again on face book and texting. Its going to be an emotional day when we do meet back up though. We are twins its not the same as having a brother or sister its a lot more than that, I had always loved and missed him so much. the tears I have cried. I have also a nephew I never met, He looks so much like his Dad. I cant wait to meet him. Got a lot of auntying to catch up on. Also a sister in law that I love to bitz too. We are on the same level and are alike in many ways funny that because my husband is like my twin too in some ways . Now thats something interesting .

When we were young and together.

Well this one is very special to me. I now hope to get another of us together again soon. My story will be coming to an end on that subject but oh what wonderful  times we have  ahead and many more happier ones at that.

The salisbury plain poppies

Living in army quarters and having the warfare training grounds  out my back door. its fitting to have poppies growing as I walk through them everyday with my dog. Summer is here and everything has come to life Im afraid my dear iphone is not good with red taking pictures but how could I not take one and put it on here.

Dedicated to those who have fallen.

 

Dog rose.

 

Purple clover

 

White clover

 

me hiding.

 

Well now its June already and as you can see everything is coming to life. I hope this posting last a long time because Im so at home here with all this around me.  Sod all the troubles I have been having how can this not make me smile.

 

New home shots

I been at it again with my i phone around the house, so thought Id put on more recent things around my house thats all recent since moving here.

Hearts and flowers, my home is full of love.

sun hat and the blanket I had made recently.

 

The pied Piper from Hameln in Germany where we once lived, never really had it out on show until now.

 

More love in my home, can never have to much love.

 

Wall flowers with a difference.

Helping my self

 Things have been difficult , yet again things happens all at one time , been away from here sorting my life out  once and for all. It all came to a head when my husband went away and I started my new. the job was far to  wrong for me as they were very bad at the training and it made me feel even more useless , So I walked out on the 4 th day Had a very bad panic atac going in, realised once and for all this is not rite and I had to take drastic action .Being sick of feeling this way I went to see the doctor. Even though Diazepam is prescribed, I know far to well its not the long term answer. he has put me on a Stress management and coping with panic attacks course.  I have only had one lesson so far and to be honest I know its the way forward. I really wish they gave this to me years ago.  I try to avoid the tranquillisers and only take them when I need my mind to rest. So lets hope I get in control of my world once and for all .

Any way I have a good weekend to look forward too as I will be staying this next weekend at my first borns. be nice to have this break after years of not having one .

Panic attack

I was in a really bad way this morning and thought I had some stresses all behind me but no they are not.

The thought of gong into work and really messing up and not being able to do a thing rite took over my emotions and I really panicked. Mty chest was so tight, I could hardly breath and my heart was racing. I found it very difficult to calm down. I suppose the last couple of weeks have been very hard on me. One being some one from my past has found me. some one I loved so much but excepted the fact I would never see him again wants to be back in my life and is really sorry for whats happened. Its been nearly 15 years. I have been through so much. I am very fragile about it all and am at a loss. Its my twin, my twin brother. A very hard thing to get my head around after so much hurt. I am not sure yet how to handle this but only time will help sort things out.

Then there is Paul going away, and things not working properly. I dont think my nerves will ever get better. think I will always be some how damaged by a lot of things. Meanwhile I will just have to take it each day as it comes and try to handle things without having to run away.

Going crazy

Well the last two days really have been crazy. and hard. Paul has gone to Nepal and I am left to fend for my self. One thing just one thing I so worry about when he goes away thats the TV, internet or the land line due to him ringing me from abroad. Well would you believe it within an hour of our fond tearful goodbye. I lost the Tv,internet and bloody phone. None of it would work. In fact none of it worked until I got up the next day for my first day at the bakery. Spent most of Sunday pulling my hair out. It turned out the whole of warminster was down. So yesterday I shed more tears than expected.

So this morning  I walked the half hour it takes to get to work to get some fresh air, Happy that it was all back on and hubby rang to say he got there safely, although I found everything overwhelming.  Awful lot of products and not a clue what they are called. Then to finding where they were on the till was a night mare. Oh dear it was awkward. Well tomorrow Im baking, I hope I have more luck with that. Or I will be going crazy.

To Nepal he goes forth

My Hubby, my darling sweet lovv of my life will be leaving me once again in a couple of days to yehhhh Nepal with his work to a ghurka training ground, How a happy am I, although its a place I have dreamed for many many years of going to. He gets to go free and I stay at home. I mean how come? why? Where have I gone wrong here? Its just not fair and I am so dam jelouse . I wish I was going too. Try as much as I can to be happy for him its hard.

Oh well at least I get to eat lots and lots of comfort food when I start my new job , cream cakes. While he’s there with the dodgy tummy . lol Im so gonna laugh as much as I love him.

Hello, I’m back.

Its been a few weeks now not being on here.  I forgot my password to be honest and eventually  got round to sorting it out. Well Im fine. nothing to dramatic to report, still lots of walks, and will be starting my knew job on Saturday. However my husband will be going awqy on the Sunday for 2 weeks to Nepai. How I envy him.

Me how ever have had a big shock being some one from my past has found me I will not mention the name due to it all being sensitive and we have a lot to sort out. Its been 15 years and I need some answers on a lot of things first. its been rather difficult and Im very fragile. This person was dead in my head but not in my heart so Im very confused at the moment. one day my story will be told Im just waiting for the time to come.

I have been doing a lot of crochet and finished a blanket and two cushion covers for my living room. they look very nice.

Then theres the war of the crows. you all know about my respect and love for nature. my neighbour being full of love but not a brain cell has been over feeding the squirrels and birds, i fear they wont be able to fend for them selves come the day the neighbours move away. also I get an awful lot of crows, thye wake me up every morning early  and are very loud , they gather on my garden fence now its covered in pooh, I get magpies and pigeons  too. its getting me down with not being able to hang my washing out, thanks to them being thoughtless.

Well I think thats just bout it for now, promise  I will be back very soon .

New job

Well I got the job, how happy am I. I found out yesterday and am so happy about it. I will be working at Greggs. A job very fitting for me as you know I enjoy baking . It really has been a confidence boost too . with everything behind with Stress and the trauma of what happened I seem to be getting on the rite road and its all looking good.

I dont know when I start yet but I think it will be soon. As Paul will be away next month also gives me something to do.